Well, that blew.

It actually makes me sad how bad 90210 was. It was written by the creator of Veronica Mars! The executive producers worked on Freaks and Geeks! I wasn't expecting something of HBO-quality, but I certainly wasn't prepared for how aggressively bad this was. Why did you lie to me, Rob Estes?

First of all, Rob Thomas, I know you have, like, 12 other shows going right now so you probably wrote the pilot in three hours while high on mountain dew and pixie stix, but that is no excuse for the clunky exposition that filled the first hour. Especially the opening scene, where the Wilsons are arriving in Beverly Hills and say things like, "Hey dad, don't talk to us during school hours, Mr. Principal!"

Also, considering how much time the parents spent talking about how they need to be firm with the kids now that they're in Beverly Hills, they sure did let their kids get away with a ton of stuff. Annie especially. This scene happened twice, with the only difference being which parent was involved:

Annie: Hi, [parent]! Life is awesome!
Parent: It sure is. Oh, by the way, here is proof that YOU ARE LYING TO ME.
Annie: Oh, crap! I'm the worst kid ever!

But the weird thing is she never, ever got in trouble for it. Well, she was technically grounded after letting popular girl Naomi steal her essay, but she sneaked out and her parents found out. And her parents came after her and... there were no consequences that we could see. We didn't even see her parents find her. All of a sudden, it was the next morning and it's as though the night before didn't happen. (Side note: It would not surprise me if Annie's super rich new boyfriend is secretly gay, because I'm willing to bet that the writers are not above stealing story lines from Gossip Girl.)

Oh, and speaking of Naomi stealing her essay: first of all, there is no way the principal would even read the essay. I can almost buy that he would have read his daughter's essay back when she'd written it, since he's a teacher and is concerned with his kids' education, but anything more than that is too much.

Also, AnnaLynne McCord, who plays Naomi, is apparently only 21, but she looks like a 35-year-old combined with a lion. Which is probably why the supposedly hot male teacher kept having flirty love/hate scenes with her. It was very uncomfortable. They engage in some verbal sparring when Naomi goes to a nightclub and sees him there. One, it is such an incredibly inappropriate conversation to have with a 16-year-old girl that I'm going to have to call the teacher Professor BadTouch. Two, was he just in the club by himself? "I don't have anything to do tonight. Why don't I go to a noisy, crowded club so I can stand at the bar while sipping on hideously overpriced drinks, which I can surely afford on my teacher's salary!"

Oh, and that Silver girl has the lamest blog ever, and this is coming from me, so you know that's pretty lame. (I was secretly delighted, however, over the all-too-brief appearance of Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez.) And Shannen Doherty? Not aging well. Not at all.

There were so, so many things wrong with this show. Jessica Walter as the grandma was hilarious - basically Lucille Bluth except more drunk and a little more compassionate - but there are only so many "hey, she's old and said something only young people say" jokes that I can take. And man, Tristan Wilds? You're so much better than this! And I know his character is adopted, but he and Annie are still wayyyy too touchy feely with each other. Boundaries, people.

So 90210 was a let down. And I'll still be watching it next week. Because I just can't help myself.